This blog is done.

I have decided that my new life deserved a new shiny blog :)

You can now find me here....

http://colleensconstantcommentary.blogspot.com/

See ya soon!

Stupid Fat Jeans

I had to buy fat jeans this weekend.  It pretty much sucked.  I had already decided that as of Feb 1 I was ON IT and going to lose 30 pounds, but the necessity to buy jeans for work because the ones I had were all too tight or had holes was a nice little push.  I actually started using My Fitness Pal already today... before my Feb 1 start date.

Why have I gained so much weight and what can I do to combat these things...

1-Winter.  I fucking HATE running when its cold out, and I fucking hate even more running on the treadmill.  I can barely run a mile on the treadmill before I want to stab my eyeballs out with a spoon.

• How will I combat this:  Well.... good question.  One thing is... this week we are having some warmer temperatures, so I will be able to run outside.  It is also starting to be lighter out after work which has been another roadblock.  I can also run from here or Lonnie’s house after work on sidewalks, so that is not really a factor.  Also... there are plenty of things I can do at the gym other than run on the treadmill.

2- “Special Occasions” When I told Lonnie I was starting the first, he said “So you are going to start a diet on a Friday... the weekend of the Superbowl.  That sounds like a fantastic plan.” ←-insert sarcasm there.  The fact is I use any excuse I can find to not be “on it”
It’s the weekend
It’s been a long week
It’s football Sunday
We are going out with friends
If I actually indulged only for those events, I would not be gaining weight.  I am gaining weight because I indulge all the time because “Well... why bother start now when the Superbowl is this weekend and I am going to eat bad anyway, I’ll just start the Monday after.”  That’s just stupid.  I have essentially spent the past several months giving myself license to eat all I want all the time for what have probably been 10 “special occasions.”  Had I eaten well every day other than those 10 days, I would still be the size I was in June.  

• How I will combat this:   I formally give myself license to indulge on special occasions, but no more than 1 a week.  The rest of the week is not a free-for-all.  No normal people just eat what they want all the freakin’ time.  I am going to Nashville for a week in February.  I know I am going to indulge.  But I also am going to enjoy the warmer temps and run or walk EVERY DAY.

3- Lonnie -Poor Lonnie.  I blame him all the time for my fatness and that is not fair at all.  Yes I have gained weight since we got together, but I am a grown woman and I am completely at fault for the shit I choose to put in my mouth and for my choices to snuggle with him rather than exercise.  He is ALWAYS up for a trip to the gym or a walk just as much as he is up for snuggling on the couch.  We do kind of feed off each other’s laziness a bit though.  And we also both loooooove to cook and to eat bad food.  But when I am “on it” he is completely supportive and stays “on it” with me.  And since the fat fairy has visited him as well as it as me... being on it is just as important for him as it is for me.  Especially since he gains all his weight in the belly and that’s the bad heart attacky place.  I kinda want my boy to stick around for a looooong time, so it’s important that we take care of ourselves.

• How I will combat this.  I will be on it.  I will not say ever again that it is his fault that I am getting fat.  It isn’t!  I will take care of myself and eat right and exercise and he can join me or not.  What he is doing is not what I have to be doing.  I am a grown woman.  I am strong and independent.  I have lost weight before and I know how to do it.  

No year in review...

I usually do a 'year end review' post.  Although I looked and I didn't do it last year for some reason.  I think we alllllllll know how the last year has been and don't really need to hash it out again.  When I was looking to see if I did one last year I re-read lots of my posts from last year and it was a nice little journey.  I wonder sometimes if I went through everything too fast.  And then I wonder if that matters?  Should I have been sad and angry longer?  Was I supposed have taken more time alone before jumping back into dating to learn more about myself.  It seems like every other Pinterest quote is something about learning to love to be alone or learning to love yourself before you love someone else.  Which I don't really understand. The whole point of human existence it seems is to find your partner and enjoy each other and then die.  Humans are naturally wired to couple up.  And naturally you are going to feel better when you have someone who loves you and cares about everything you do, and is a constant cheerleader.  Chris Brown (who I can't stand) actually has a line in a song right now that says "Let me love you... until you learn... to love yourself" ....which flies in the face of all that other stuff like his fists flew in the face of Rihanna.  ;-)

Anyhoo.... that was a big ramble.  This year... whether I did was I was "supposed" to do or not.... I kissed a man at midnight New Year's Eve that makes me laugh, makes me feel loved and wanted and needed every second, who I love, want and need just as much ....and I guess that is all that really matters!!