OK so people are giving me shit about my lack of blogging so here it is... remember... you asked for it!!
I haven't really felt much like blogging or anything else really. A lot on my mind lately.
Brhaun left his 4-wheeler here and I took Jessi for a ride on it and was immediately broght back to the last time (at a H.S. boyfriends house) time I was driving some atv thing when I was 15. I crashed into stuff and went sailing through the air and then planted firmly into the ground. So now every time Rick takes the kids for a ride... all I can see is them flying through the air and then fast-forward to me caring for a 40yr old head injured adult. And that's not all the trumoil that the 4 wheeler has caused my brain to endure........
Rick begs me to go for rides and I did go on one, and I think that he still has my claw marks in his ribs. I just don't like it. Which sends my currently whacked out brain straight to "Wow.... Rick would be so much happier with a girl who actually ENJOYED camping... fishing.... 4-wheeling.... the outdoors... What do we even really have in common?? Am I holding him back from the happiness he could really have? ...and vice versa?? I mean, there are lots of guys out there who go out and take photos with their wives and go shopping... and enjoy taking trips... and entertain the thought of moving out of this piece of shit state that I hate.... Rick is not one of them." Yeah. I am a little crazy that way. Most of you already know this. And of course.. rather than keep all my internal wackiness to myself... I have to drag poor Rick down my road of psycho. Who, as always. assures me that no matter what we have in common... we are in LOVE and made a commitment to each other FOREVER and that is MORE than enough. Well duh. He also said that we should both work on trying finding more common ground with each other and that was really good to hear.
The icing on the cake was when last night Jessi accidentally spilled diet sprite on teh brand new laptop and killed it dead. It was not a very nice night, I think I felt the worst for Jessi, who was devastated, felt terrible, and went to bed sobbing. This morning I assured her that it woudl all be ok... we got the accidental damage protection, so it will be ok. Even if it wasn't ok.... it was a mistake that easily could have happened to any of us!
Last night I had the worst nightmare that Rick found someone else (shocking.. right??) and I was a freakin' mess without him. I couldn't even function or breathe. Sometimes my subconsious knows JUST what I need!!!
3 comments:
That was really nice of Rick - he seem to have said the right thing at the right time. That in itself is an accomplishment for any man! As for moving out of the state... any place in mind? I'd totally considering too, but I feel like all I'd be doing is sitting in front of a map with my eyes closed and randomly choosing a state. I don't have a desire to live in a certain place, but I wouldn't mind a change either. Sometimes Maine really gets on my nerves!
I think I'm just not gonna touch this one. You know my feelings on all of it.
Thanks Kristie! And thanks for the nice words, Hon. So we don't like to spend every second together- I don't think that is the end of the world. We love hanging out together and watching TV together and doing other things together. I actually would like like to know what you think, Nicole!
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