She's baaaaaaaaack......

I am having a "I am never going to find a place to live and I am going to die alone" day.  I FUCKING HATE Rick.  I hate him for taking all these years of my life when I could have been with someone, or been finding someone who actually gave a shit about anyone other than himself.  I hate him for already having a new person in his life while I am alone and have nobody.  Yes.... I have friends and family and they are great and wonderful and I am thankful for them all every day, but it's NOT THE SAME THING AND YOU KNOW IT!!!  It's completely different to have someone who is your partner and actually wants to hear the daily minutia and wants to share theirs with you.... and you WANT to hear it!!   How am I ever going to have that at this point in life?  I am full of "baggage" and nobody wants to take that shit on, and I don't blame them.

I HATE him for making feel all this HATE and ANGER all the time!!!!  I hate feeling this way and I am trapped in a house with him having to see his stupid face and watch him text with his stupid whore who btw... I was forced to add to our 'Verizon Friends and Family' plan to prevent us from going over our minutes and huge overage charges... guess how THAT felt?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just so done.  I am so sick of this and there is no way all my friends and family aren't sick of it all too.  I am done talking about it anywhere but here.  Why should anyone else be tortured?

I do see a pattern here.  I go several days all 'strong and empowered' and then completely lose my shit for a day... and then go back to feeling good again.  I think it's because I feel like I HAVE to be strong for the kids and for everyone around me and people are ALWAYS AROUND!!!  I have to show everyone... including the shithead... that I am going to be JUST FINE.  And sometimes it's just exhausting.