Ok there are lots of shitty things when it comes to divorce.
But I have to say the worst part for me is the freaking derailed 189 mph roller coaster of emotions train that I am riding. One day I am feeling like "YES!!! I am finally free of him!! I can plan vacations (he hates travel)!! I can finally find someone who actually wants to be involved in my life and be an actual partner and not a 3rd child!!! (and even without that 'someone,' it feels amazing to make decisions on my own without knowing at the back of my head that my partner is supposed to be making them with me but won't). Soon I will never have to hear those stupid fucking boots stomping all over the house with no consideration for anyone else that may be sleeping!! I never again will have to find bottles of spit from chewing tobacco all over the place!!! I can know now that if I don't do it... it won't get done without resenting it because I am supposed to have a partner taking it all on with me. I will never have to open my basement door every morning to check for a flood and know that if it just fixed properly I wouldn't have to. I will never open my front door and wonder what dead creatures i may find bleeding all over the porch. I will never again be afraid to turn on a computer or look at my Verizon bill for fear of what I might see.
Wow. I really went off on a tangent there. I was about to talk about the worst part... What is the worst part?? Listing all those things just made me forget that I woke up this morning feeling hopeless and lonely and like I am going to be alone forever and like if I wasn't good enough to keep all THAT (see above)...I must be pretty fucking worthless.
And there it is... LOL welcome to my roller coaster!
6 comments:
The first year is the roughest!! Learn to enjoy your freedoms and take one day at a time! Big Hugs!
There's a huge difference between becoming complacent and "being good enough.
The truth is that you are more than good enough you are amazing and the next person....whenever that happens for you will appreciate you and will want to be your partner in EVERY WAY!!
Enjoy your freedom now, get to know who COLLEEN is and you will become better than ever if that is even possible because like I said you are AMAZING!!!
The truth is that you are more than good enough you are amazing and the next person....whenever that happens for you will appreciate you and will want to be your partner in EVERY WAY!!
Enjoy your freedom now, get to know who COLLEEN is and you will become better than ever if that is even possible because like I said you are AMAZING!!!
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G...AMAZING :) chin up darling...you got this!!!
:-( Colleen - you are note worthless! It amazes me how often I marvel at what a wonderful woman you have become. Your 'living in the moment' moments where you just pick up your camera and go for a hike with your kids etc… those are wonderful opportunities that most of us miss because we're too wrapped up in our dramas or too damn lazy… You're so clever artistically - even just playing the Drawsome game I love the pictures you scribble - so clever… And cooking… Your continued education is laudable and the work you do for the elderly… Don't ever sell yourself short. You have so much to offer! Love you… Auntie
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