I am just not having fun the past couple days. As our summer vacation at the lake came to a close I began to feel like there is an anvil on my head labeled, "Your life is about to change BIG TIME... so you better get ready NOW!!!!!!!"For the past 6 years I have been "Mommy" to everyone in the house and have loved every minute of it. Since I was a stay-at-home-mom I had no issue with picking up after everyone, finding their lost things... and all that other 'mommy stuff.' As a result of this... I have created a house full of people who are used to being completely dependent on me to pick up after them... fill their bellies... and always know where everything is. Now that I am going to work and back to school in the fall I feel like I have to COMPLETELY retrain them all to pick up after themselves and help out more around the house. And I HATE that feeling. I HATE feeling like a nagging bitch. And I HATE that they make me FEEL like a nagging bitch because they won't just see that things need to be done and DO THEM!!! I feel such unreasonable intense pressure that I have to get everything organized within the next few weeks. I started the grocery game again yesterday to get my groceries in order. I made a list of things that I want done around the house ...and big things too...like re-painting the yellow walls in entire house (which is a LOT because it's the main color of the house) because it looks grimy in spots and the drywall screws have popped in many places as the house has settled. I also feel an intense need to 'get the weight off.' I feel like this fat was my SAHM Suit and now I am going out into the real world and I need a new suit for my new life. How insane is that?? I am a raving lunatic. This is my fall schedule...
Monday: 11:00-12:50 Class
Tuesday: 9:00-230 Work
Wednesday: 11:00-12:50 Class
Thursday: 9:00-230 Work
Friday: 9:00-230 Work
Pretty sweet schedule, huh!? My brain realizes this. On Mondays and Wednesdays I will have plenty of time to do house stuff and write any papers/study too. And I will be home to get the kids off to school and I will be here waiting for them when they come home. I will still have plenty of time to cook dinner every night... and even watch General Hospital ;) So WHY am I FREAKING OUT!!!!?????
Top that all with the fact that even the THOUGHT of walking Sean out to that bus and sending him off ALL BY HIMSELF for the whole day brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I mean... I have had a "baby" at home for TWELVE YEARS!!!! And now suddenly I am not "Mommy" to any little ones. I am "Mom" to a couple KIDS!!!
And top THAT with the fact that Nicky's health is quickly declining. Last night I had to help him up the stairs, and then pick him up and put him on Sean's bed, when we went to bed because he would not stop barking downstairs because he wanted to be up with us and couldn't get up the stairs. Maybe he is sore from the 'couch incident' (see Julie's blog for that one), so I am going to try the pills the vet suggested as a last ditch effort, but I think we are at the end :(
4 comments:
There are some HUGE changes coming for the Jordan household that is for sure.
I know that the majority of it lays on your shoulders but Rick is there to help and he is a good husband and father and when push comes to shove he steps up to the plate no matter what. I think that to start making lists and insisting on them being completed by everyone including yourself will take a lot of the day to day house "stuff" off of you and help you to feel ok with that part of the situation. The whole Sean thing, well that will pass and you will have maybe a week of either crying every day he gets on the bus or feeling like crying every day he gets on the bus and then it will be fine. Think about how interesting it will be to listen to him describe his day when he gets home!!! That will be something, I can guarantee!!!
Things will be very different but you will all fall in to a routine and it will add a little something for you all to be doing something different during the day and to come home and be able to talk about all that stuff as a family.
Thank you for the kind words, Nicole! She is right, though! You saw me at camp- I can easily be like that for you nights after work and you know I don't mind doing stuff before I go to work! Just leave me a list or tell me you wish that I would make dinner or anything like that that makes it easier on you! I really don't mind at all! I know you don't like to have to ask me to do stuff but I don't mind if you ask me to do stuff! I really don't know what you want or need done unless you tell me. I will try to notice stuff more often- I have a month to get in shape and help you and when the time comes, I will be ready! Love you! Sorry about Nicky! I hope the pills work!
Wow ma'am I can understand you being over-whelmed!! You do have a lot of changes coming...Take it all with a grain of salt and you'll do just fine. Your schedule looks good and I'd say you did not over do it, which is good!! Life is about change and not something we look forward too, a bit scary if you ask me! But you'll do just fine. I am sorry about the dog not doing so good!! You will know when the time is right and it doesn't sound like your ready yet!! Try the meds they may help and you'll be surprised. It's hard!! We are here for you ma'am and if you need a shoulder to cry on it looks like Rick has some mighty fine ones just for that, use them!! LOL...Hope you get on track with everything and have a great rest of the week!! Hugs ~Wen~
Your welcome Colleen, remember next year is my year to send my young'in off to school so I may need your help then, lol...I'm thinking of continuing on with the college education too but not sure about the work yet...I want to be here when Michael gets off the bus...and it will give me time while he is at school to work on the property too!! Which I can't and won't run the tractor when he is here with me...we shall see...in the mean time I'm going to enjoy him as much as possible...and I like your header on your blog too!! Not sure how long it's been up but it's cool with the photos of everyone and you with the camera!! Enjoy your day!! Hugs ~Wen~
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